Another 3 miles

Well, I didn't end up doing 4 miles yesterday. But I did 3 miles today and it was weird. I only had to pee once, at 2.5 miles. So that wasn't too bad, but I made sure to go b/f leaving and then about 20 strides in, I had to go. So I ran the 2.5 until I gave into the urge. But mentally, running is different for me now. I don't know what it is. I have a lot of dread b/f I go. A lot of fear and then even whilst I'm running, I'm not easily able to clear my head, but instead feel scatter-brained trying to scope out trees, bushes, or whatever that would make a secluded spot to pee. That's all I can think about most of my run. I'm scared of HAVING to pee, w/no place to go. Whereas b/f when I would run, I could think about all kinds of things and it was sort of a meditation for me. It was energizing and a time to focus on me, on my life. I don't know. I'm really frustrated, this is a new issue and I hope that the fear will subside and I'll be able to get back to the spiritual running that I so enjoy. I have my first dr. appt. tomorrow. I'm really anxious to see the heartbeat. I'm really anxious to validate these changes in my body and my life.